I am with a new guy, who for the first time I thought could be “the one.” After a month and half of hand holding, kissing, and touching. I was ready to make love. He undresses me I undress him, and I get a “big” shock. His penis was big. BIG. At first I was scared, but then I thought about the fact that a vagina gets big enough to have babies.
Well, I was sexually ready with foreplay, but the penis could only get a little way in me before I had to say “STOP!” We even used lubricant, which helped very little. My question is: is there any way or anything I could use to make my vagina wider? Is there any thing a doctor can do? Can any vagina take any penis size? I would really hate to lose this great guy.
It is true that some penises are just too large for some vaginas, which is why people’s desire for larger penises can be so off-base. There are things you can do to both stretch yourself, and prepare better for vaginal penetration. However, it is possible that the penis will still only partially fit after all is said and done.
It is also possible that this has nothing to do with your vagina at all. Some people with tight or spasms of their pelvic floor muscles also have trouble with comfortable vaginal penetration. Only a certified pelvic floor physical therapist can evaluate you and help you figure that out.
While a vagina does stretch to let a baby out, keep in mind that it takes hours to get to that point, and also involves hormone changes and lots of pain for some people. So, you probably don’t want to try to stretch your vagina as far as you would if you were giving birth. You can, however, work at conscious relaxation of your pelvic floor muscles, which will allow you to be more “open” and relaxed. To find your PC muscle, insert two fingers into your vagina and squeeze down on them. Those are the same muscles you are exercising if you do Kegel exercises. Now, contract, then relax those muscles. When you are getting ready to have vaginal penetration with your partner, you will want to completely relax those muscles. It may help to take a deep breath and let it out as you try to relax.
Your partner can help you with this next step. You are going to spend a lot of time getting aroused, and having him put fingers into you. Remember not to have anything inserted into your vagina until you are quite aroused, and use extra lubricant (lots!). Once you are aroused, you can have him put fingers in your vagina, stimulating your vulva and clitoris at the same time. As you get more aroused, have him put as many fingers as will fit comfortably into you. You can then practice breathing and relaxing, and have him stimulate you to orgasm, all the while keeping the fingers inside of you until your orgasm subsides. Each time you do this, have your partner flex their fingers as you relax, and have him add another finger as you can accept it. Continue on this way until you see if you can comfortably accommodate the number of fingers that are equivalent to the width of the penis.
When you try to have intercourse, use a condom and use a whole lot of lubricant on the outside of it. Again, choose a lube that is not oil, KY, or anything likely to dry out or get sticky. Have him slowly enter you, and just stay there, not thrusting. Either you or he should gently stimulate your clitoris while the penis is in your vagina, but the penis should not move unless you are comfortable.
Keep in mind that you may never be able to penetrated deeply; some vaginas are short, others are longer. You should always be in positions where you can control the depth of thrusting.
Take your time, talk a lot, and remember to never penetrate your vagina until you are quite aroused. Don’t feel bad if you need to add lubricant; many people don’t naturally lubricate enough for comfortable sex. And until you can comfortably have penetration, remember that there are many other fun things you two can do with each other in the meantime.