Dear Sex Educator,
I am aroused by the thought of having my wife strap on a dildo and have anal sex with me. I’m afraid she’ll refuse and question my sexuality. How should I introduce her to the idea?
First, I want to reassure you (and your wife, should she read this) that your interest in anal penetration is quite common, even for heterosexual men. I suggest you start by giving your wife a lesson in your anatomy.
One of the reasons men love anal penetration is that it provides stimulation to the prostate. This stimulation produces exquisite sensations for many men, and in turn leads to powerful orgasms. Prostate stimulation is healthy, and can be one way to avoid prostatitis – a very uncomfortable inflammation of the prostate.
Based on what I’ve just said, you can reassure her that your desire for anal penetration and stimulation is about what feels good, and has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. One of the phrases we use at A Woman’s Touch is “nerve endings have no sexual orientation” – they can’t tell who’s playing with them. Your affection for your wife, and your desire to have your life partner participate in this highly arousing scenario with you, is what’s important. A classic movie with a male penetration scene in it is The Opening of Misty Beethoven, in which a virile, studly guy finds his peak experience while being penetrated anally by a woman wearing a strap-on. There’s also a superbly done strap-on scene in the 90’s film Every Woman Has a Fantasy 3 depicting common fantasy and sexual fullfilment. Maybe watching a movie like these can help you introduce the idea to your wife.
You might want to ask her what she thinks of the idea – maybe it’ll be a turn-on for her. We encourage couples to laugh and be very playful when starting something potentially stressful in their sex play. Try starting a conversation about fantasies and what turns each of you on. Then talk about which of her fantasies she’d like to explore further, and share yours with her. That way you both get to explore something new.
Finally, make the choice of a harness and dildo a joint venture. Choose ones that appeal to her aesthetic sense (whether that is something lifelike or something nonrepresentational). Set up your play date so the mood fits both of you, and remember to laugh and giggle, and allow any discomfort to be expelled as need be.
If you want more information, or just want to watch other couples experiencing anal penetration, try the Bend Over Boyfriend and Bend Over Boyfriend 2 DVDs. The first volume is mostly instructional, with a few demonstrations, while the second volume is more action and less instruction. Watching these with your partner is a good way to help both of you warm up to the idea and learn more about how to do anal penetration safely and pleasurably for both of you.
The Sex Educator