Dear Sex Educator,
My partner and I both have the fantasy of being watched while we are making love. She agreed that a female would be fine to be the “watcher”, since I feel more comfortable with that than with another male. My question is, are some things left better to the imagination, or should we give this idea of being watched a try?
That’s a good question! As a general rule, I suggest that people think very carefully about whether they really want to fulfill their fantasies, because most people report that the fantasy is more powerful in their heads than it becomes in reality. You may also lose the fantasy, and the sexual charge it provides you, if you act it out.
On the other hand, if it is a successful venture, then your memory of the occasion may serve as a powerful new fantasy. I suggest that you think about the logistics of what want to do and how easy it would be to actually pull it off. Anything involving another person is hard to achieve, and it’s much harder to control the outcome. You may be lucky and find someone who is in touch with their voyeuristic side, but you may also find someone who wants more than you do.
One thing to consider, especially if your fantasy is to be watched, is to find a swing club or sex club where you can go and do your thing and have an audience who knows the rules and knows what to expect. In those situations you don’t need to have contact with anyone other than your partner if you don’t want to, and you can safely watch or be watched.
So talk about it carefully, think hard about what you really want from any encounter that would involve someone else, and then make your decision from there. Understand that you may lose the sexual power of this fantasy once you live it out, or you may gain some fun new memory to share.
The Sex Educator