Q: Dear Sex Educator,
I am living with rheumatoid arthritis, and the pain and fatigue that I experience can make sexual intimacy difficult or impossible. Is there anything I can do to improve my sex life?
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Chronic pain and fatigue can make you feel like your sex life is over, but this does not have to be the case.
Some of the tips to consider include talking to your rheumatologist about medications and side effects, communicating with your partner about what feels good and when you might have more energy, and combining soothing activities that bring relief and relaxation (like a bath) with gentle massage and touch that might be sexual. For some people the feel-good chemicals released by the brain during intimacy and sex play can provide a welcome respite from pain.
I encourage you to consider scheduling intimate play times for when you might have more energy rather than expecting your play to be spontaneous or to happen at the end of the day before sleep. When we have conditions that affect our energy and comfort it is useful to be more intentional about when you engage in intimate or sexual plaY.
Our brochure Othercourse also contains some helpful ideas for connecting creatively with a partner. Turning the focus to any activities that bring you pleasure–rather than the goals of intercourse and/or orgasm–liberates you to be in the moment and enjoy more satisfying intimacy for a lifetime.