Come as You Are is a more informed, inclusive, comprehensive resource about women’s sexuality than most. Author Emily Nagoski, although a tad loose with neurology facts, takes on common sexual misconceptions and challenges like a devoted gardener pulling out weeds from the roots. If you’re ready to dig deep, if you’re the type who wants to know how, but also needs to know WHY, this is the book for you. The topics covered and information provided could be applied to nearly any “hang up” or sexual challenge and is useful to women at any life stage or of any orientation (though most of the anecdotes and stories included feature women with one committed male or female partner).
You'll love the quizzes and exercises designed to help you understand your unique self, what you’re working with and figure out how to put what you learn into practice. We also love the summary bullet points at the end of each chapter, allowing you to cherry pick through and decide what is most relevant at any given time.
Dr. Nagoski conveys sex positivity in a grounded way, so as to not alienate or intimidate. She meets you where you’re at, and invites you to check out some ‘cool stuff’ she found out about that might be helpful. This ‘cool stuff’ includes judgement-free anatomy lessons, stress management, ways to cultivate self-compassion and confidence in a sometimes toxic cultural landscape, a sociologic understanding of sexual arousal and how to make that work for you, a better way to relate to all emotions, and how all of this information applies to not just your sex life, but all the important things that influence and connected to your sex life: you relationships, body image and physical health, and overall mental health and wellbeing.
The author will not fix you or your “problem,” she’ll do better. She’ll help you realize that you don’t need to be fixed, that you are wonderful just the way you are. Common ‘issues’ in women’s sexuality--orgasm, body image, stress, change in desire--are re-framed to be issues of context, not of dysfunction. Every page seems to whisper a comforting, underlying message: You are not alone, and we can figure this out.