Tips on using a vibrator

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Dear Sex Counselor,

I just got a vibrator for the first time and would like to know how to best use it. I am a single 22-year-old woman and I like it! I have only had orgasms during masturbation, although I have also slept with men. Two days ago I overcame my stupidity and went to a sex shop. It wasn’t as nice as yours (I was the only woman there) but I managed to buy a vibrator! I have had a bit of fun with it, (got myself a bit sore in the process) but I am sure that I am not using it to its full potential. Can you suggest some things I should try with it?


There are many different ways to use a vibrator. Sometimes, you just want to use it to help you have a quick orgasm to relieve stress or sexual tension, or help you get to sleep. For that, I suggest a bit of fantasizing in your head, or reading a hot story, and buzzing your vulva and clitoris, building up your arousal steadily, until you have your desired orgasm.

Vibrators are great for increasing the variety of ways you can pleasure yourself. Try using your vibrator for stimulation inside the vagina (if it is shaped so it can be inserted comfortably), on the vulva and on the clitoris, externally on the anus (or inside the anus if it can be covered in a condom and has a flare at the base so it won’t go wandering around your colon - don’t use a slimline-style inside the anus, as you could do some serious damage if it slips out of your hand and goes inside) as well as exploring your other erogenous zones all over your body.

Try buzzing on and around your nipples for another sensation. You might even want to make a date with yourself, take a long bath with candlelight, have a glass of wine, watch a sexy movie, and finish off with a long and leisurely session of self-pleasure to as many orgasms as you find enjoyable!

If your vibrator has variable speeds, try using it on low and then increasing the intensity slowly, bringing lots of blood into your clitoris and labia, and then finally letting your orgasm wash over you. Then go back to low and start all over again, and see if you can have multiple orgasms. Or slip your vibrator into your vagina (if it’s shaped so that’s safe and comfortable) and then stimulate your clitoris with your hand or another vibrator. If you enjoy nipple stimulation, add nipple clamps or a suction toy to the mix (try the pulsating clamps if you like a lot of nipple stimulation) and then build your arousal for a long time and see how intense an orgasm you can have with all those nerve endings being played with at once.

If you want to know how others enjoy their solo or partnered toy sessions, you might want to look at either Toys for Great Sex or Advanced Toys for Great Sex,  good videos showing real women's experiences reaching high arousal and orgasms with the aid of vibrators and other sex toys.  Or try reading Jayme Waxman's, Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation, a book devoted to the many ways a woman can pleasure herself; rife with suggestions, techniques, positions, and toy use.  I encourage you to experiment and let your imagination go wild. There are as many different ways to love yourself as there are people in the world.

Introduce your vibrator to your partner, if you have one, in the future. Use it with him/her as well - many men love vibration on the penis, perineum and testicles, but they often don’t realize it until they try it. If you enjoy intercourse (with either a dildo/harness or a penis), explore positions where you can use your vibrator on your labia and clitoris at the same time as being penetrated. Have your partner use your vibrator on you at the same time as stimulating you manually - another way to get lots of nerve endings excited at once. Remember to try it on nipples too - and any other place that might enjoy a bit of a buzz.

Most of all, remember that a vibrator is just one more tool in the toybox of erotic play. Bring it out when you’re in the mood, or leave it alone when you want something a little different. Have fun, and may you have lots of pleasure whenever you want it.

The Sex Counselor