Should my wife experience a bigger penis than mine?

Published:

Dear Sex Counselor

My wife has never been with another man. We have been happily married for eight years and enjoy a healthy sex life. However, her knowledge is limited, and I feel she needs to experience the talents of other men to broaden her sexual satisfaction - specifically, men with larger penises than myself (I am a thin 5"). She seems to really enjoy the stimulation of our 7" dildo, and I feel this pleasure would be exponential if this was a real man with a 7"+ penis. I am also very excited by the thought of her being fully satisfied by a larger penis.

Is this a crazy idea? How can I make it a reality? Given her experience with the 7" dildo and provided that she is attracted to the guy, will she be more satisfied with his larger penis? They always say, it’s not the size, but the motion; however, I think a thick 7" would beat a thin 5" any day. From your experience, don’t you agree?


Truthfully, most women don’t think about size all that much. Many of the women I talk to say that the emotional connection they have with their partner, plus skillful lovemaking technique that focuses on their centers of pleasure, are what make them most satisfied. Your wife probably enjoys the play with the dildo because of what else you are doing at the same time, and the fact that you are probably providing her with stimulation that truly works for her. Women do not report more orgasms or greater pleasure during intercourse with men who have larger penises, unless they are also getting more direct clitoral stimulation or G-spot stimulation at the same time. In fact, the pleasure a woman enjoys during intercourse is often not related to the penis size at all; she may enjoy the way it stimulates the nerve endings at the mouth of the vagina or the way it bumps her cervix (although many women hate having their cervix bumped, so these women). However, the contact she has with her partner’s body, and the knowledge that the two of you are enjoying a deeply intimate physical connection, is likely a major source of sexual satisfaction for many women.

I suggest you talk with your wife about what she thinks would be most pleasurable for her. Introducing another person into your sex play is very complicated, and requires strong communication, trust, and clear expectations. If it is exciting for you to think of her with another man, then talk about that with her to see if she shares your excitement. If she is not interested, don’t pursue it further.

There is no reason to think that she is going to gain more knowledge about sexual pleasure or satisfaction with another man. Good sex happens when there is trust, excellent communication, and intimacy. It is quite possible for the two of you to continue exploring your sexual fantasies together, and trying new ways of playing with sex, and learning and growing together, without bringing in another person. While she could have a good experience with another man, it is equally likely that she could have a bad experience with another man. So I recommend talking extensively about this before venturing further. If the two of you decide to invite another man into your sex play, choose carefully and be very clear about your expectations, particularly about whether you would be wanting a one-time event or an ongoing relationship with this new partner.

I want to encourage you to make no assumptions about what your wife finds pleasurable; ask her clearly what she likes and wants, and tell her the same information about you. That way no mistakes are made in the name of trying to give her more pleasure. Enjoy your conversations - you both could discover all kinds of fun fantasies to explore together.

The Sex Counselor