My partner is too long.

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Dear Sex Counselor,

I love my partner dearly, but his penis is too long and intercourse is actually pretty painful at times due to the depth of penetration. Is there something we can do that would keep him from penetrating me so deeply?


This is a common question and causes a lot of distress between men and women when it happens. There’s nothing worse than telling your happily thrusting partner that he needs to slow down because it hurts you. There are several ways to address this. First, you can have your partner wear something at the base of his penis to prevent him from penetrating you fully. We have found that the Maven sleeve works very well in this situation. You would cut the end off and then he would wear it at the base of his penis. You can make it as long or as short as you need, so that the depth of penetration works for both of you. We recommend leaving it a bit long to begin with, and then cutting it down when you figure out exactly how long you need it to be. You can also cut the end off and just roll the rest up into a doughnut shape, if you want to add more clitoral stimulation for the woman being penetrated. For some, the Elastomer Pump Sleeve would also be a good option, though it is a fixed width and might not be correctly sized.

Another option is to enjoy intercourse in positions where he can put his hand at the base of his penis. This allows him to put some pressure at the base (if he enjoys that) while preventing his penis from penetrating too deeply.

The third option is to play in positions where you control the depth of penetration, and also find positions where the depth is naturally shallower (spooning on your sides is a good choice for this, sitting face to face also works well).

So try these different options and see which ones work the best for you. And may you have a future of fun, frisky intercourse ahead!

The Sex Counselor