How to start exploring strap-on play with my male partner

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Dear Sex Counselor,

My husband and I are interested in exploring anal sex with a strap-on/double dildo combination. I read your answers to questions on anal sex but they did not provide the detail that I desire before proceeding with this new, and very different, sex play.


Could you describe how to use a strap-on/double dildo for anal penetration? I have basic questions like which double dildo to use, how to begin, and how to thrust. Should I attempt full-depth thrust or perhaps just insert it and wiggle it around a bit?

We carry one type of double dildo that works especially well for this type of penetration, which comes in a two sizes - you’ll want to look at Thelma & Louise and Betty & Veronica to see the double style that we find works well. You do need to wear it in a harness to hold it in place so that you can control it well. Harnesses that work well are the Simple Harness, the Synthetic Terra Firma (with the back plate removed), or the Commando.

As for how to begin ... that depends on your partner. I always recommend lots of massage with lubricated fingers to begin with, warming the anus up and helping your partner relax. From there, you can slowly insert the dildo (very well-lubricated) and experiment. I don’t recommend intense thrusting to begin with, but he may well want you to do that as he gets more excited and comfortable.

The most important thing is for the two of you to communicate, and for you to try different movements and ask him what feels best. You can also have him do the moving back onto the dildo to control the speed and depth, so that he controls the sensation and speed more. You can try moving in circles to see if he likes it, as well as shallow thrusting and slow, deep thrusts - all the while asking him what feels the best and what else he would like.

Don’t be shy about asking your partner what he wants, and what feels good as you go along. It will be more fun and much more pleasurable for both of you!

The Sex Counselor