How to give a blow job (aka fellatio)

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Dear Sex Counselor,

I’d like to give my male partner pleasure with my mouth, but I’m not sure what to do. Can you help?


We’ve put together some suggestions for you, and I’m sure there are more ideas out there. If other people have tricks and techniques to share, send them to us, and we’ll add them to this answer.

First and foremost: the perfect blow job depends on communication between the two (or more) people involved. The receiver should feel free to openly (but respectfully) express what he does and doesn’t like, and to do so in a way that allows both of you to feel comfortable, not criticized. The most direct and efficient way to go about this is through talking. A good thing to keep in mind is that saying "Oh ... there ... perfect." can be as much of a turn-on for the giver as the receiver.

To the giver: remember to protect your sweetie’s skin from your teeth. It’s a drag to have such sensitive skin raked by the hard edges of teeth. The giver also has the responsibility to ask questions. The easiest way, hands down (pardon the pun), to find out what your partner likes is to ask. No two partners are ever the same, and what you learned from your previous partner(s) may or may not apply to your current partner. Some direct but seductive statements such as, "do you like that?" or "here?" take all the guesswork out of it and guarantee a pleasurable time for all. This type of communication takes a level of comfort that you may not have, but it’s worth striving for.

Listen to your partner’s body language as well as his spoken language. Sighs and moans, little words whispered (or screamed) in ecstasy are all signs that you have hit a right spot or are using a great technique. Winces and "ouch"es or general looks of boredom might signal that you need to head to a different region or try something new.

Here are some techniques that you might want to try as a place to start. Disclaimer: remember that these are solely suggestions, and you should not be discouraged if these techniques don’t send him through the roof - every man is different.

  • Prepare for your oral tryst by playing with some of his sensitive body parts, rather than starting with the penis. Maybe give him a full-body massage, try some nipple play, try nibbling in the genital area or maybe even give him some testicular love (licking, massaging, etc.) Basically, don’t start with direct contact with the penis. Good oral sex starts elsewhere.
  • Make sure both of you are in a comfortable position. Nothing ruins oral sex more quickly than a neck cramp.
  • Don’t be shy about adding something a bit tasty to your playtime. A little flavored lubricant, chocolate, honey, or anything else that you think tastes good will make this a feast that can satisfy both of you.
  • Once you have worked over other areas and are ready to tackle the penis, take it slow. You might want to start with teasing just the head of the penis with the tongue, or just licking the shaft. Again, take your time. Watch his reactions. Remember that the head is the most sensitive part of the penis for many men, and could be a great place to start, or it may be too much at first.
  • When you feel you are ready to go a little further, you might want to incorporate your hand along with your mouth, either grasping the base of the penis (you can try stroking if you feel coordinated) or massaging the testicles, or both.
  • Once you have his penis in your mouth, there are a few things you can do. Experiment with the speed of movement, alternating between fast and slow. Take breaks if you’re tired or if your jaw starts to hurt. You can alternate your blowjob with handjob breaks (put lots of lube on your hand so the experience stays slippery).

    Try not to dig your teeth into his penis unless he specifically asks for it. You can also try twisting your head to one direction as your hand (still on the base of the penis) twists gently the other way. Try lots of different stimulation with both your hands and mouth. Judge his reaction and what he likes, and match it with what you are comfortable doing.

  • Discuss the matter of ejaculation before you start. If you would not like him to ejaculate in your mouth, let him know that and ask him to give you a shoulder tap or maybe a verbal announcement before this happens. You can also have him wear a condom (flavored, if you like) so he can let his ejaculate go without discomfort or awkwardness.

Again, our advice is to ask him what he likes and if he’s not telling you, then experiment. Most of all, have fun! 

A visitor has this to add:

"A little trick I have discovered for when you are giving your partner a blow job: Keep a tube of toothpaste by the bed, and pop some in your mouth without telling him just before you put his penis in your mouth. My partner loves it because it feels very cool (temperature-wise), and it feels good in your mouth too!"

The Sex Counselor