How do you 'deep throat'?

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Dear Sex Counselor,

I have trouble taking my boyfriend’s entire penis into my mouth when I perform oral sex on him. I can’t seem to overcome the gag reflex. He is not overly large. I just can’t seem to take in very much (3-4", tops). Is there any way to overcome this reflex? Practice?


Actually, you are completely normal in how much of your partner’s penis you are able to get into your mouth. Women and men who are able to perform the "deep throat" action usually have to practice for a long time at relaxing the back of their throats and consciously training themselves not to gag. Most people are not able to do this at all, and from a "sensation standpoint" there is not much reason to try. For most men, the nerve endings that have the most sensitivity in the penis are those at the underside of the head of the penis, and those in the first 2-3 inches down from the head. While the deep throat maneuver looks interesting, it actually doesn’t usually produce better sensations for the man, particularly if you employ the use of your hands (lubricated first) to add stimulation to the part of the shaft closest to his body. He may enjoy seeing you do it, but if it is uncomfortable for you, then you don’t have to do it.

If you are really committed to performing this act, it will take a lot of practice with conscious relaxation of your throat and larynx, and training yourself not to gag. Do not use a desensitizing gel, spray or lubricant, as you could desensitize your throat too much and not know when you’re causing damage.

I’d talk it over with him before embarking on this project, as it may not be something that is all that important to him. Practice techniques that are comfortable to you and fun for him, and that may just be the perfect thing to enhance his experience of fellatio, without any need for you to do something that may be uncomfortable for you.

The Sex Counselor