Sexuality and Aging

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Dear Sex Counselor,

My partner and I are cruising through mid-life, and want to maintain a healthy sex life far into old age. How can we best take care of our bodies and our relationship so we can enjoy intimacy as we get older?


We all go through changes as our bodies age -- some good and some more challenging. Luckily, there are plenty of things we can do to nurture and care for our bodies, and make sure we can continue to be intimate for years to come.

Healthy Sex Tip #1: Have regularly scheduled orgasms.

For women, orgasmic contractions help exercise and tone the pelvic floor muscle group, which is responsible for that lovely "tension" that many of us associate with sexual arousal. Having regular orgasms (at least one per week) helps keep these muscles in shape, and reminds your body how to "do" sexual arousal. 

For men, ejaculation moves fluid through and out of the prostate, preventing painful inflammmation. Try to ejaculate at least once a week, to keep fluids moving.

Healthy Sex Tip #2: Moisturize your genital tissues.

During menopause, women lose much of their natural supply of the hormone estrogen. Among other things, estrogen is responsible for maintaining skin elasticity and aiding the blood vessels in producing vaginal lubrication. Thus, many post-menopausal women find they no longer get “wet” when they’re aroused. We recommend daily massage with a moisturizing lubricant like Liquid Silk - the massage brings healthy blood closer to the surface, and the lubricant provides moisture to keep you feeling "juicy."

Healthy Sex Tip #3: Learn more about sex.

It’s never too late to learn more about sex! Pick up a comprehensive sex manual (like the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex) and study up. You’ll learn more about how the body works, and maybe even get some ideas for future sex sessions.

Healthy Sex Tip #4: Give more time to sex.

As we get older, our bodies take longer to respond to erotic stimuli. It may take longer for women’s vaginas to lubricate, or they may not naturally lubricate at all; it may take longer for men’s penises to become erect, or they may not become erect at all. In all of us, it helps to allow more time for sex. Explore what arousal feels like to you now -- you may find that it feels very different than it has in the past, and that’s normal.

Healthy Sex Tip #5: Explore new ways of having sex.

Maybe intercourse isn’t something you can (or want to) engage in anymore -- that’s perfectly fine! There are plenty of other ways to have fun. Oral sex, manual sex, masturbation, mutual masturbation ... the possibilities are endless. Take the time to explore these, and other, forms of sex and have fun! You don’t need to have intercourse to have sexual pleasure, check out our Othercourse brochure for more information.

The Sex Counselor