All About Packing


Dear Sex Counselor,

I’m curious about packing. What is it, and why would I want to do it? I’m also curious about how to choose a packing dildo, and how to keep it in place. What can you tell me?

What is packing?

Packing refers to using a dildo or other object to create a penis-like bulge in the pants. Special soft dildos (called packing dildos or "packers") can be purchased for this purpose. Some people use socks or homemade packing dildos (often consisting of condoms filled with hair gel) to create this effect.

Why would someone want to pack?


There are several reasons someone would choose to pack.

  • People who are transitioning from female to male bodies (often called FtM) may pack to complete their physical public appearance as a male before they have surgery, if they choose to do so.
  • Drag kings, or women who perform as men, use packing dildos to fill out their costume.
  • Any woman can use a packer to give the appearance of being male.

Depending on their situation, packing can allow a person to either become someone else or feel more like themselves.

Hard packing vs. Soft packing


Hard packing involves wearing a dildo that is firm enough to use for penetration. This can give your partner an indication of what you have planned for later, and let her or him know that you were thinking about sex before you even left the house. Hard packing tends to be a little less realistic-looking than soft packing, as (most) men don’t walk around with an erection for an extended period of time.

Soft packing is wearing something that approximates the bulge created by a soft or semi-erect penis. The dildo or other object used in soft packing is not firm enough to use for penetration, so if penetrative sexual activities are on the menu for later, a dildo switch would have to be made.

How to choose a packing dildo
Things to consider


  1. Hard packing or soft?

    Soft packing tends to be more comfortable and realistic looking, but hard packing gives the added benefit of being able to engage in penetrative sexual activity without switching the dildo.

  2. Size considerations

    Remember most men are "growers", not "show-ers". The average size of a non-erect penis is between 3 and 4 inches from tip to base. If you’re interested in realism and "passing" as a male-bodied person, choose something that is not overly large. On the other hand, if you’re packing for the purpose of a drag show, over-emphasis might be what you want.

  3. Material considerations

    Soft Cyberskin packing dildos (like Brett) give a realistic bulge with a soft feel. Cyberskin is a fragile material, though, and will require a bit of extra care. Also, Cyberskin contains latex, so people with latex sensitivities should look for other options.

    Phil is made from a soft silicone material. It is designed to very closely mimic both the look and feel of a soft penis and testicles. This material is easy to clean, latex-free, and should last a long time.

    Soft plastic dildos fit somewhere between hard and soft packing. This dildo would work for careful penetration (no hard thrusting), and is also soft enough to give a more realistic look and feel through clothing.

    Many silicone dildos may create a bulge so large and firm that it would look unnatural. If you choose to use a dildo that’s not specifically designed for packing, you may need to experiment with different types of pants to see which gives you the look you want.

How to hold your packing dildo in place


Packing dildos need some help to stay in place. Some methods of keeping a packing dildo where you want it include making your own harness, wearing a store-bought harness, or using a special packing strap.

A homemade harness can be made by simply wearing men’s briefs or boxer briefs (boxers won’t work). You may need to wear several pairs to hold the packing dildo tightly enough.

If you’d rather buy a harness, you can choose either a regular dildo harness or a packing strap, which is specially designed to hold packing dildos.

Choosing a harness


When purchasing a regular dildo harness for the purpose of packing, look for one that has the least amount of material but will still hold your dildo firmly in place. Some to consider might be the Commando, Comfort Harness, and Terra Firma.

Leather harnesses have the advantage of forming to your body and fitting like skin after several uses, making them very comfortable. Leather harnesses also tend to be pretty stable, so they can be easily used for penetrative sex play as well. The disadvantage of these harnesses is that they can be bulky (depending on which one you choose), and they may have straps, buckles, and snaps that can show through your clothing.

The Packing Strap is a specially designed pouch that comfortably holds Phil or Brett.. It’s a basic leather pouch on an elastic waistband, and will comfortably hold your dildo right where it needs to be without any telltale snaps, buckles, or bulges (except the one you want, of course!).

Last but not least, have fun!

The Sex Counselor