Getting more comfortable making sounds during sex

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Dear Sex Counselor,
I am a generally shy person who has trouble making amorous sounds when my husband and I make love. Part of it is from my upbringing, where I often had to be quiet (long story), and I'm sure that living in a tiny L.A. apartment doesn't help, either. I actually hold my sounds in to the point that I get headaches. Can you suggest some ways for me to relax and to enjoy my love noises?


This is such a great question! To start with, I want to suggest that you set aside some time for yourself, so that you can practice relaxing and making natural sounds without worrying about someone else listening to you. If you're worried about your sounds travelling through your apartment walls, try putting on some of your favorite music, so your neighbors will hear that instead of you.

First, take a bath or do something else that is relaxing and refreshing to you. Then find a comfortable place, and start by eating a food that tastes particularly good to you.

Allow yourself to breathe out, relaxing as you taste the food, and feel it on your tongue. As you breathe, sigh or hum with your breath. Do this for a while, celebrating the tastes and sensations with breath and low, quiet sounds.

Now, stretch your body slowly, the kind of stretch that feels really great. As you stretch, breathe out, humming a low hum along with your stretch. Give yourself permission to enjoy pleasurable sensations with a breath and low hum. Feel how good it is to breathe, and how the hum resonates in your belly and head, creating more pleasurable sensations.

Now move on to touching your body with something soft - a feather, a piece of fur (real or fake), a satiny piece of cloth, or any other kind of soft material that feels good to you. As you glide over your body, again breathe and hum when it feels good. Explore all the different places it feels good to be caressed by the softness, breathing and humming when you feel good. Use this breath and sound as a way to tell yourself that you like how something feels.

Continue touching yourself, getting more intimate and intense, and increasing your arousal. Keep pairing your breath and hums with the pleasurable sensations when you feel them. Start touching your genitals, again pairing your breath and hums with the sensations that feel best to you. As you get more aroused, don't worry about making noise. If you do, okay. If you're quiet, that's okay too. Many women get very quiet when they become more aroused, and you may want to just stay focused on your sensations. Take yourself all the way through an orgasm, and as you orgasm, breathe and hum again (or make whatever other noises come through with your orgasm).

If you are too shy to make noises at first, don't worry. Promise yourself you'll keep trying until you are happy with the result.

Once you get more relaxed, you might want to get playful with this. Have a noisemaking contest with your husband, to see who can communicate the most with noises as they are being pleasured. Or see how many different noises you each can make as you enjoy each other. Remember that this should be fun, and filled with pleasure. Be silly, allow yourself to laugh, and breathe all the way through your pleasure.

Enjoy your love sounds!

The Sex Counselor