Defining virginity

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Dear Sex Counselor,
My girlfriend and I have decided to wait until we are married to have sexual intercourse. We are both virgins, and we are wondering if we were to have anal sex, would it affect her virginity in any way? Will I be considered to be "losing my virginity" also?


The answer really depends on how you decide to define virginity. If you define virginity as only the state of not having vaginal intercourse, or not performing sexual acts that could lead to pregnancy, then your answer would be that both of you would still be virgins. If you define virginity as the state of not having "intercourse" of any kind, then you would both be losing your virginity. Only you two can decide how you define virginity for yourselves, and then from there you can decide what sexual activities, if any, allow you to remain virgins, by your definition. It's a great opportunity to talk about what virginity means to you, who you are maintaining it for (yourselves, or someone else), and what feels okay for you to do. I hope you have an interesting and fruitful conversation.

The Sex Counselor