Dear Dr. Myrtle,
I have searched for an answer to this problem to no avail. Whenever my boyfriend and I have sex, we like the "doggy" position. The problem is, after a while I get these rude sounds emitting from my vagina, like a fart. After a while, as soon as the air starts building up, I start drying up, and that hurts. And then, sometimes even more embarrassing, I end up peeing on myself - why, I don’t know. I just have this urge to go and for the life of me, I cannot hold it in. Please explain!
Many women and men like vaginal penetration with a woman penetrated from behind.
- For women: it can be comfortable for vaginal penetration because the woman is in control of the angle of penetration and some of the thrusting motion. If she can arch her back (called lordosis in mammals) she may be able to direct stroking towards her pelvic plexus nerves coursing between the bladder and anterior wall of the vagina which can amplify the neural arousal resonance between her clitoris and sacral spine.
- For men: the man may be able to penetrate deeper into the vagina, control more vigorous penetration, and allow his penis to remain in a down position which allows it to continue filling with blood more easily.
The "fart" sound that you are hearing is air that is being pushed in by the thrusting. As a woman becomes sexually aroused, the vaginal muscles relax (which run long down the canal, not around), so expanded vaginal space becomes a place for air to be trapped. The air might not escape on each withdrawal, so the pressure can build and finally release as a "fart". The sound isn’t something to be worried about (turn up some music), but the dryness is a bit more of a concern.
Although women produce more vaginal lubricant when they are more aroused (because arousal is related to blood flow, and vaginal lubricant is produced by filtering blood through the vaginal wall), vigorous penetration activity can dry up what is available. Some positions increase the problem, since up-side-down or penetrated-from-behind position allows vaginal fluid to flow/be pushed deep inside the vagina. When this happens, there isn’t as much lubrication at the vaginal opening where you need it to prevent dryness and skin tearing. This happens if (or especially if) you use condoms, because there is *never* enough lubrication on condoms to prevent this. Inside, the increased dryness can increase friction, and friction can make neural stimulation of your bladder-emptying-reflex too much to control. When it releases (called "coituria"), out comes urine. How much urine depends on your level of hydration (how much water you had in your body) before you began being intimate, how strong your pelvic floor muscles are, how much you were sweating, how long the episode was, and whether you'd been applying additional sexual lubricant (which reduces the friction against the bladder nerves).
- Experiment with different lubricants, and find one that is long lasting for this type of play. If a water-based lubricant seems dry too quickly, try one of the sensuous silicone lubricants which have a longer lasting quality both for staying in place AND staying around.
- If you are using male condoms, try putting more lubricant on the shaft of his penis, so that the friction is less at the vaginal opening. This should allow air to pass by without being trapped by the area of dryness.
- Try switching out and using a female condom. It feels completely the same to your partner, but you won't have as much friction right against your vaginal wall, so won't be trapping the air inside. They make a small crinkly sound, but the pleasure is worth the noise.
- Be reassured that the sound that is being made is not a problem. You are very aroused (and your vaginal walls very relaxed). If the pressure builds up uncomfortably, or you need a rest from the sound, try different positions for a while (you on top of him with him on his back, or you on your back, but with your knees over his shoulders). Positions that change the angle of your penetration will very likely change how and whether the air is being trapped.
- Urine itself is sterile, and some people are comfortable with the release during sexual penetration, while others are distinctly not. If you don't care one way or the other, prepare for it before you start being intimate by covering your bed (or other location) with a waterproof throw or several towels. If you like the sensation, just mop up what comes out. If you don't like the sensation, stop what you're doing and change your position, add more lubricant (to him or you), and continue.