More, better orgasms

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Dear Sex Counselor,

When my boyfriend and I are just playing, he can have multiple orgasms that can last for a while. I have a very hard time achieving an orgasm, and when I do it doesn’t last very long so I never really get to enjoy it. So I was wondering if there was anything I could do to make my orgasms longer and more frequent?


One way many people have found that helps them have longer orgasms is to provide a wide variety of stimulation to all the parts of your body that enjoy touch and sensation. So stroking, caressing, and stimulating many different nerve endings will intensify your arousal and pleasure. In addition, the longer you pleasure your whole body, the more intense your orgasms are likely to be. This means exploring all those places that feel wonderful when your partner strokes, licks, or rubs them.

Many women report having full-body orgasms when they experience prolonged stimulation all over their body that culminates in long and intense genital stimulation. Some women report that when they have more than one orgasm, the second (and third, and fourth) orgasms are much stronger than the first. You can experiment with these concepts both when you’re masturbating and when you’re having sex with your partner. A good resource to help you learn to have longer and more intense orgasms is The One Hour Orgasm by Schwartz & Schwartz, or The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. Both of these books focus on extending arousal and intensifying orgasm.

Another thing we’ve learned from our customers is that the more often you have orgasms, the more intense your orgasms are. It may take a bit longer to have orgasms when you have a lot of them, but many women report that their orgasms are definitely stronger when they have them more often, and that if they only have an orgasm every once in a while, their orgasms are not as intense or satisfying. By the way, this is also true for some men.

Your homework is to learn lots more about your body, your orgasms, and how and where you most enjoy being touched. Explore what happens when you hold off from having an orgasm for as long as you can. See how many orgasms you can have in one session - using a vibrator if you get tired. Then you can teach this to your partner (take him or her on a sensual tour of your body, then ask your partner to take you on a tour of his or her body!) In time and with practice, it’s possible that both of you can be multi-orgasmic!

I love this kind of homework...

The Sex Counselor