Warnings on vibrators


Dear Dr. Myrtle,

Why is there a little warning about not using my vibrator on my legs?

Right. Those warnings are a bit strange - particularly on vibrators clearly intended for genital massage. But consider the following: Say that you have a multi-purpose massager, and you occasionally use this massager on your sore back. One day, you experience some leg pain - in the calf, or your thigh - and you think "... geez, what a muscle cramp this is! ..." So you turn to your handy multi-purpose massager, and think that relief might be in sight. But, unbeknownst to you, you have:

  1. been smoking too much
  2. been taking certain kinds of medication
  3. developed some cancerous process somewhere
  4. just ridden on an overseas flight for 14 hours
  5. sat through the most incredibly boring 8 hour movie without moving
  6. just had your knee operated on, and just happened to have your handy vibrator alongside you, just in case your anesthesia wore off
  7. developed a vein clot (aka "deep venous thrombosis")

Well, if you apply your massager to just the right place on your leg, thinking all the while that you have a muscle cramp, and you dislodge that gigantic blood clot in your leg, it will have no place to go but up, around, and into your heart and lungs. This is a serious medical emergency and can be fatal. Ghastly, but true.

My guess is that the manufacturers are covering their legal butts. The best solution is to stop smoking, eat right, get lots of exercise, wiggle and flex your feet a lot when sitting for prolonged periods, and use your vibrator on your genitals, not your legs.

p.s. Hmmm. Since lots of people have asked us about this: Nope, leg vein clots do not cause strokes.

Dr. Myrtle